Discoveries
by LittleLovingWriter
Summary: Maria tells Ellie about Sarah, and our little survivor recalls how much it hurts to loose the ones you love (BONUS: Ellie tries peanut butter for the first time!). Oneshot.


Ellie stared at the large cup in front of her, watching the thin tea steam rise in spirals and gently fade away into the cool air. Her hands were firmly wrapped around the chipped porcelain mug, warming her shivering hands. She'd spent the last few moments entertaining herself by counting the leftover mint leaves at the bottom. Sixteen. She blew hard on the surface, sending gentle ripples throughout the greenish-brown liquid.

Even though she was alone with Maria now, a few clues suggested that someone had been there until some moments before: the astray held three butt-ends, still letting out a bit of smoke while a half-eaten, lightly browned apple sat next to it.

Outside, the cold winds had finished beating the summer heat down, cooling the chilling cedar forest that filled her view. She could almost see yesterday's raindrops still clinging on to the emerald-like needles. One could tell the trees were old growth from the way they towered over the road, blocking out the sun and covering everything in gloomy shadows.

„Hey, Ellie? " Maria called, looking through the old cabinets, "Anything in particular you wanna eat?"

Ellie shrugged. She was starving- anything would do. "What do you have?"

"Let's see… Ah, here we are. How about some peanut butter?"

"Peanut butter?" Ellie asked, taking a sip of tea. She felt the hot liquid rush down her throat, warming her from the inside-out. The drink was far from satisfying, true, but it was pleasantly warm and didn't taste half-bad. Maria mentioned she could have coffee if she wanted, but warned her that it tasted like boiled paint water.

"Yeah, you've never had any?"

"I don't think so."

Maria smiled. She cracked open the lid, taking a spoon and wedging it in the thick paste. She set it in front of the girl, followed by a loaf of bread. "Here, take some."

"The whole spoonful?"

"Yeah, go on."

Ellie looked at the glass jar, trying to guess what the strange paste was like beforehand. One hand on the jar, she pried the handle out, a good amount of peanut butter still clinging to the spoon. First, she sniffed it, then put the whole thing in her mouth, scraping all of it off the metal utensil with her lips. Ellie squished the strange substance around, feeling it stick to her gums and teeth. It had a strange texture, as if she'd eaten some sort of glue. She wrested it with her tongue, trying to swallow it and failing miserably. It was weird, to say the least. Still, she liked it, and when she finished, she took another spoonful.

"Easy there, girl!" the blonde chucked, "I don't want you choking on it!"

Ellie just huffed in response. Maria shook her head and spread some thinly on a slice of bread. She took a bite and washed it down with more of the tasteless tea. The two women ate a while in silence, not wanting to interrupt a good meal just to make pointless small talk. Still, the silence couldn't go on forever, and Maria was the first to break it.

"So, Ellie," she took another bite, "I'm curious. What's a girl like you doing with my brother-in-law?"

Ellie had been in the middle of rinsing her mouth out with hot tea. She almost choked on it.

"Oh! You see, well, uh…" She stammered off, tripping over her own words "A-uh, friend, y'know, kinda asked him to take care of me. Well, she's not really _his _friend. I-I don't know, it's hard to explain"

_Nice save, dumbass_

"A friend, huh?" Maria nodded, raising her brows and pursing her lips

"What?"

"It's just…. I don't know." She shrugged, "Don't take this the wrong way, kid, but Joel doesn't exactly seem like the kind to have many… _friends_."

Ellie puckered her lips, pondering Maria's words. As much as she wanted to argue, Maria wasn't wrong. Joel_ was_ far from friendly. Then again, he did have Tess and Bill. Would he call either of them 'friends', though? The old man didn't let her talk about Tess ever since she'd died, and Bill didn't seem important enough to mention after they'd left him. He seemed to be alright with Henry, but neither of them talked about him him since his suicide. She'd never asked, but maybe he had some buddies the quarantine zone? Doubtful.

"Yeah, I guess I know what you mean." Ellie twisted her lips, "I mean, Joel can be and ass sometimes, but he's a cool guy."

"Well," A tone of disagreement betrayed Maria's voice. "It's good to know you feel that way. How long have you two been traveling?"

"It's been a few months. Almost half a year, I guess"

"Just the two of you? Where you coming from?"

"Boston."

Maria raised a brow. "_Boston? _Wow, that must be a pretty damn good friend of his. Where's this 'friend', anyway?"

Now that she thought about it, where w_as_ Marlene? Ellie felt a pang of guilt. She hadn't thought about her in a long time, let alone wonder how she was. She never did find out what happened to her, and Joel's words still rang in her head:

_Kid, I don't mean to upset you, but your friend's chances of survival weren't too high to begin with. _

He was wrong. He had to be. The old man didn't know Marlene like she did. That woman was as tough as a bull, and twice as stubborn. If she didn't want to die, she wasn't going to.

"We kinda lost touch with her." Ellie admitted, "She's a Firefly, y'know, so we were kinda hoping Tommy could help us out."

Maria huffed, leaning back in her chair. "So, what, Joel's gonna hand you over to her? Just like that?"

"I… I don't know." It was the truth. When you spend so much time with someone, going through countless life-or-death situations day after day, you grow a special bond with them. He'd pretty much become a dad to her (not that she knew what having a 'dad' was like in the first place, but she could guess), and she cared about him. A lot. He was a hard-ass, sure, but she could tell he cared about her too, as much as he tried to hide it.

Her mind jumped to last month: she'd sprained her wrist when she fell from a tree, and she could remember how the color had drained from his face when she'd yelped in pain. He wasted no time wrapping her hand up, giving her a lecture on how she needed to be more careful. The following two weeks, he'd ask her multiple times through the day if it was feeling alright, and reminded her not to push herself too far.

During their meals, he'd always let her eat as much as she wanted, only taking the leftovers. He'd make sure her gun was always loaded with bullets, and he'd never let her go out of his sights.

As much as he wanted to convince himself he didn't, Joel gave a damn about Ellie, and was doing a shitty job at hiding it.

Maria pursed her lips. "I doubt he'll let you go so easily."

"How come?"

Maria took a deep breath. Her voice shifted into a sort of mutter. "After what happened to Sarah, I'd be surprised if he had it in him to do that."

"Sarah?"

"Yeah, his-" Maria paused, widening her eyes in realization. Regret swept over her face and she pursed her lips. "Oh my," she looked down at her hands, taking a moment. "He never did tell you, did he?"

The girl shriveled her upper brow. "No… Who's Sarah?"

Maria huffed, grabbing the kettle's handle and filling up both their cups to the brim. "I'm sorry kid, I can't-"

"_Tell me_" Ellie snapped, her eyes locked on the blonde. Damn, the kid had a way with intimidation.

Maria puckered her lips. "You really wanna know?"

Ellie nodded in reply

"Fine," she said, obviously very unwilling. She stood up and searched through a backpack that had been lazily thrown on the counter. Looking through the small side pockets, she dug out a small, thin piece of paper. With a bit of hesitation, Maria held it out to the girl, the picture side faced downwards. Ellie took the photo, feeling her heart drop when she turned it over.

That wasn't him. No, it couldn't be. _Could it?_ Joel was in the left side of the photo, wearing a short-sleeved gray shirt and jeans, doing something she'd never seen him do before - smile. The gesture looked downright alien to her. What took her aback even more was the honesty of the smile- it wasn't just one of those fake ones people pulled for pictures. No, it was a pure, genuine smile, coated over with happiness and love. All of his scars and wrinkles had melted away, and the patches of grey in his hair were now a brilliant chocolate brown. One of his arms stood at his hip, while the other was wrapped around the shoulders of a young girl, whose blonde hair and been tied back, not unlike Ellie's own. She wore a stripped, blue-and-white shirt, the number **14 **proudly labeled on the front. She held a trophy above her head, obviously sharing Joel's enthusiasm.

It didn't take a mastermind to connect the dots.

"He, he…?" Ellie swallowed her words, not having the power to move her eyes from the old photo. The thing looked like it had been through hell- a thin layer of dirt and grime coated it, while just a drop of blood stood by Joel's arm. How old was this?

"Yeah." Maria nodded. Ellie didn't have to ask the question, the woman knew exactly what she was thinking. "Would've been thirty-two this year."

"When did she…" Ellie felt like she was going to choke, "y-you know…?"

The blonde shook her head. "Right after the cordyceps hit. She was about twelve, I think."

Ellie just stared at the photograph, her lips slightly parted in shock. That's why he didn't want to talk about that fucking robot she'd forgot to leave on Sam's grave.

_"__What should I do with it?"_

_"__Ellie..."_

_"__What? I wanna talk about it."_

_"__**No**__."_

_"__Why not?"_

_"__How many times do we have to go over this? Things happen… and we move on."_

_"__It's just-"_

_"__That's enough!"_

That was the Joel she knew: hiding everything he felt but anger, refusing to deal with his past, and never opening up to anyone. How'd the saying go? _"Who says you deserve to be happy? There are billions of people out there, somebody's got to suffer."_ Then again, life will make you suffer enough. Why hurt yourself even more?

She knew his past wasn't exactly full of roses, but she never could have guessed something so horrid had happened. Ellie recalled the way she felt when Riley turned- God, what do you call the feeling you get when the person you love with all your heart dies in front of you, and all you can do is watch?

Pain?

Guilt?

Anger?

Utter _despair_?

It was a horrible feeling- it had no shape, no weight, yet it crushes every inch of your being until you think you'll turn into dust. She didn't know what to call something like that. All she knew was that watching her girlfriend's brown eyes grow bloodshot, her slim, dark fingers tremble and her voice whimper in pain as the infection took over her was the most painful thing she'd ever gone through. What a terrible feeling it is to love someone and not be able to help them.

And she just left her there.

If it hadn't been for Marlene's motivational speeches of saving the world, she would've killed herself the next day. That was the only thing pushing her forward: hope. Hope that one day the world would be better. Hope that one day the fucking infection would be gone, and no one would have to go through what she went through. Hope that Riley would be proud of her.

But what pushed Joel? Who did he have? The man had lost everything, and yet he kept going forward. Why? He was one of the worse pessimists she'd met, where did he find the strength? Henry had put a bullet in his head moments after Sam's death, yet here Joel was, twenty years later and still fighting to live for tomorrow.

**BANG BANG BANG**

The two women almost jumped out of their seats.

"What the fuck was that?!" Ellie's eyes widened.

Maria grabbed the shotgun that sat next to the counter, loading it as quickly as she could. "Hunters. Stay down."

**A/N: I'd like to thank you for taking your time to read all this! I'd love to hear your thoughts on it, so if you don't mind, could you drop a review? Thanks a million!**


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